I Don't Need to Listen to This

I'm big into social responsibility. If somebody talks to me, I feel compelled to talk back. Somebody asks for change, I need to respond. Somebody asks for directions, social law dictates that I give them directions. If the lady at the bus stop asks me what I ate for dinner, I tell her what I ate for dinner. 

And then I met the meanest neighbor ever. He hated that my cats sat on his porch. Never mind that he fed them, they shouldn't be there. He hated the way I parked my car, left a note on my windshield that said, "Nice parking job asshole." He didn't sign it, but I know it was him. He came to my door and yelled about my cats. I stood there and listened and let him go on. I felt compelled to listen. He eventually left when he ran out of things to yell. Then he tried it again one Sunday morning at 9 am. Now I am never up at 9 am on a Sunday morning, much less dressed and going out. But there I was going to my car when he runs over and starts his tirade. And something just clicked in my head. I didn't have to listen to this. Just because he wants to yell DOES NOT mean I have to listen. I don't owe this angry, angry man anything at all. So I cocked my head and looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Excuse me, I don't need to listen to this." And I walked around him. His demeanor immediately changed. He apologized, introduced himself and claimed he wasn't that upset, but my cats did spend a lot of time on his porch; so much time, that he felt it necessary to feed them. I said, "OK" and just kept walking.

I learned that I don't need to listen to everything that everybody says, even if they are standing right in front of me. There was no listening to that crap and there was no arguing with him. He didn't earn the right to talk to me that way and he didn't deserve my attention. 

I now ask myself these questions more often, "Do I owe this person anything? Have they earned the right? Do I need to stand here and take it? Is there anything I can say to change their mind?" I think more people have seen me cock my head and give them my quizzical "I don't give a shit" look before excusing myself out of their life. It's one of the best lessons I ever learned.