Don't Take it Personally

I didn't realize that I was tearing apart my whole way of being to try on something new. I thought I was just in a bit of a funk. I mean I have been changing for the last year, but all the changes seemed so minor: some lasik eye surgery, losing 15 pounds, kicking important people out of my life who had nothing to give me, speaking my mind a little bit more (although there are some who say I do it too much already). Heck, I just assumed it was some sort of mid-life crisis. I haven't bought the sports car yet, but I'm considering it. I guess what I am going through is more important than all those things. 

It's a lot harder to change then just saying you are going to change. You have to carry through even when you don't know where you are going. There's no end point of this journey that I am on right now. I just know that I have to take this journey and I have to do it now. I know who I am now, but I have no idea who I will be. I'm not even sure who I want to be. Apparently, I'm suppose to just let go and let it happen. That's definitely not who I am, so we'll see if that works at all. There is the possibility of this free-flowing life making me crazy. But I have to be open to the idea of that being OK. See, I have control issues and I need to learn that I can't control everything.

The advice that I received was, "Don't take it personally." Hmm... your whole life is changing around you, not always for the better, and I'm not suppose to take any of it personally. I'm still pondering that. How can you live your life and not take what happens to you personally? That's not a hypothetical question. Really, if you know the answer to that, tell me. I'm sure there's some eastern philosophy about being water that applies here, but I have a hard time internalizing that.

Well, I've chosen a road to walk down, let's see where it leads, and if a shiny, new sports car will get me there faster!