I'm No Plumber

Last week I decided to remove the old caulk around my tub and replace it with new caulk. The old stuff was moldy and I could use that new mold-free caulk. How hard could that be? 

My bathroom was built in the 1940s. There wasn't a shower. Sometime in the 70s they converted it to a shower. They did it outside of the wall with a box over the plumbing. I decided to re-caulk that as well. That's when it all went so terribly wrong.

I had to unscrew the handle on the faucet. No problem there. Then I tried to unscrew the faucet. Big problem! The screw broke off in the faucet. The screw head falls into the tub. Now the faucet leaks. There are three screws holding that faucet cartridge to the plumbing. I broke one screw off. Oh, and then I broke the second screw off. Then, I stripped the head of the third screw. So far, my luck's holding out. My bad luck, that is.

I look on the internet for any kind of help whatsoever. I've never broken a screw head off before. I'm really not that strong; the heads were rusted. Why don't we use rust-proof screws in the bathroom? I learn that I have to drill out the screws. Before I do that I have to find a replacement cartridge because I'm bound to destroy the old one trying to get the screws out. Well, Bradley stopped making residential faucets. Probably the same year my condo community bought all the faucets for the conversion. I finally find one place online that sells the replacement cartridge (I am grateful for the internet). I have to wait a week for the part to arrive, which wouldn't be so bad except I have one bathroom. I have to figure out a way to shower without making a big mess. I temporarily put all the fixtures back and turned the water on with the screw driver. Success! Water all over the ceiling. But it's running, I just need to tighten a few things. I turn on and off the water with the screwdriver for a week and manage to keep myself clean.

The new cartridge arrives in the mail and now it's time to drill out the screws. Hmm... I've never done that before. It's worrisome, but I'm game. In the photo above, I am one screw away from finishing the job. (And one screw away from going insane!) That mess in the tub is from the metal and plastic shavings. I did indeed destroy the cartridge. I had to make a special trip to the Home Depot for vice grips - my first pair. (This is my fourth trip for repair items for that tub.) I needed them to try and grab the remnants of the screws. Woohoo! It works on two of them. I can grab the ends and unscrew them. Boo! The third screw won't turn at all. I have to drill that completely out. I'm terrified of ruining the threads of the hole. That's copper plumbing, I don't want to have to redo that! And I think you've already figured out that I'm not calling a plumber unless something explodes. I manage to get most of the screw out. It takes me an hour. I break a few drill bits, I get one cut on my finger, and my hands are calloused from trying to operate those vice grips. As I said, I'm no plumber.

My new cartridge fits and actually screws in tightly. Happy dance!!! It doesn't leak. Another happy dance!!! After two days I can shower again, and I don't need to use any hand tools. I just pull on the water like people who know better than to mess around with their plumbing do. All that for new caulking around my tub — a tub that needs replacing since I've long since ruined that as well. 

I'm no plumber, but I am a 1940s condo owner.