Will to Live

Today I almost had a car wreck. I had just turned left and this woman decides to pull out of her parking space right into my lane. Luckily, I had another lane to pull in to or I would have been toast. I'm not sure she was looking at all because she came at me full force, she didn't even stop as I was pulling into the other lane. 

It's a strange sensation - evoking your will to live. I didn't even know mine was active. I thought my will to live might be damaged in some way because halfway through any action movie, I give up. Literally, I tire of watching them and I wonder why the hero just doesn't fall off the 100th building instead of leaping to the other side. Because once he gets there, there's going to be a a mob of gun-toting enemies coming at him. He knows this and he still wants to live. He actually thinks probability is on his side. It's not. Dumb luck is, but really the numbers are not in his favor.

Here's my thinking: if 400 ninjas came at me, arms flying, legs kicking, I'd surrender. If I managed to survive the ninjas and then a 400 foot tidal wave was headed my way, I'd stand there and let it wash me away. And if after surviving the tidal wave, I was hanging on the edge of a ledge with a helicopter barreling down at me, I'd let go. At some point, you'd have to say, "Screw it. Today I am meant to die."

I'm thinking I might not know myself as well as I thought I did. I mean I did swerve out of this lady's way today without even thinking about it. Perhaps my will to live is still intact, but I shouldn't test it by becoming an action hero any time soon.